In the spirit of the holiday season, the very talented Jim Meskimen recited an eloquent, original poem entitled “The Deeper Metrics of Christmas” using variety of his excellently executed vocal impressions for each verse. To make the experience more believable, deepfake artist Sham00K changed Meskimen’s face to coincide with each impression.
The two had previously collaborated on Meskimen’s poem “Pity the Poor Impressionist”.
Here’s the poem Meskimen recited.
THE ESSENTIAL METRICS OF CHRISTMAS
When the sun dips below the horizon
And seems to descend far too soon,
When the trees lose their leaves and stand naked
And the winds blow as cold as the moonJACK NICHOLSON
When the birds wing it south for the winter,
(at least, that’s where they seem to head)
Then our thoughts tend to drift toward Christmas;
With a mixture of pleasure and dread.TOMMY LEE JONES
December compresses, gets shorter
it feels like the month lasts a week,
And a hectic commotion arises
‘til our sanity plays hide-and-seek.ROBIN WILLIAMS
The colorful, bright decorations,
The music, the ribbons, the swag
Glow and gleam with the promise of pleasures–
As long as you scan the price tag.GEORGE CLOONEY
And though most of us grasp well the concept
mere “stuff” does not Christmastime make,
And we poo-poo the grossly commercial
As capitalism’s mistake,CHRISTOPHER WALKEN
And we swear on our faith in the spirit,
(whatever the heck that word means)
Soon our goal not to worship consumption
gets shattered all to smithereens.IAN MCKELLEN
For which are the true metrics of Christmas
If not measured by dollars and cents?
Or the miles travelled non-stop domestic,
In our effort to gain recompense?NICK OFFERMAN
Like pollsters obsessed with percentage
We strive with each package and gift
To raise our “esteem differential”
And give sagging poll points a lift.CHRISTOPH WALTZ
If only we HAD, so we reason,
The MORE could we buy and bestow!
All is dross, to be sure, but regardless
Do not presents make loved ones hearts glow??ANTHONY HOPKINS
Our extravagance forms a vast tangle
And stands tightly impacted by guilt,
Barricading in our better natures;
In our efforts to blossom, we wilt.JOHN MALKOVICH
Recognition, attention, affection,
Some laughter, a smile, an embrace,
These aren’t on sale down at the Walmart,
Nor on any online marketplace.ARNOLD SWARTZENEGGER
So at last, to our shame, it’s just obvious,
looking back at the month we just spent
Dashing all over town for some bauble
In a frenzy of mass discontent,JOE PESCI
that that moment we took to ask grandpa
What he liked to do in his youth,
or that task we helped mama to finish
Were the things that made Christmas, in truth.GEORGE W. BUSH
The presents were all soon forgotten
They lay in a pile with the trash
Insecurities dressed up like bridesmaids
Their value, all gone in a flash.COLIN FIRTH
Far too late we discover our folly
As calendar leaves drop away;
Precious little that’s bought with mere money
Will make for a great Christmas Day.MORGAN FREEMAN
I hope we’ll one day learn this lesson;
It isn’t just sums and amounts…
The essential metrics of Christmas
Are those numbers that no one can count.
Sham00K shared how this deepfake video was made.
