Mr. Forthright Shares His Best Excuses for Talking One’s Way Out of a Traffic Ticket

In “How to Get Out of a Ticket”, the irascible Mr. Forthright (previously) shares his best excuses for talking one’s way out of a traffic citation—sage advice that he gives through the window of his car.

Sorry Officer, I’m in a hurry after I have diarrhea and I’m wearing white pants.
Sorry Officer, I didn’t know what the speed limit is because I can’t read.
Sorry Officer, I’m in a hurry and I forgot to record the season finale of Judge Judy.