Mr. Forthright Gives Advice on How Best to Survive an Apocalypse

The ever-laconic Mr. Forthright explains “How to Survive the Apocalypse,” offering such good advice as never washing, starting fires with your farts, and using apocalypse coupons.

Start swallowing your gum. It takes seven years to swallow gum. So if there’s an apocalypse in the next seven years, you won’t have an empty stomach.