Fast-Talking Satanist Sermonizes to News Reporters During the Unveiling of a Baphomet Statue in Detroit

A fast-talking Satanist nonsensically sermonized to television reporters in Detroit who were following a story about the controversial unveiling of a 1-ton bronze statue of a goat-faced Baphomet.

I’m so excited to see my Lord and Savior represented in such glorious Italian stone do hope his eyes gaze upon me and my allegiance is recognized. …The statue is a symbol for what they advocated the separation of church and state.You can’t have one without the other you know, like a mule carts God and the devil. A cloak of shame covers this man and only supreme light wash my body clean but how could that might possibly reach me with a thick clouds of indecency surrounding my poor soul so I carry my wrongdoings on my back like some kind of tormented hiker lost in the hills of misfortune looking desperately for that peak to rescue him from the valley of depraved habitual self pleasuring but again I find nothing except for sweaty devastated loneliness and a thousand judging eyes staring back at me from the cover of a stolen Victoria’s Secret catalog. I didn’t take your mail Mrs. Pemberton, stop asking me that.

It turns out that the “Weird Satanist guy” is actually Andrew Bowser, a prankster, actor and director who takes his gift of gab to hilarious heights. Aside from his various film roles, Bowser has shown up at E3 as a weird gamer guy, woken up next to a hungover “naughty nurse” dressed as Dr. Frank N. Furter on the day after Halloween and charmed a beautiful woman as a confident homeless man.