How to Ask Another Person for Reassurance Without Appearing to Be Desperate for Their Approval

The School of Life (previously) explains why the very human need for reassurance can also be terrifying and bring about discomfiting abandonment and approval issues that lead to further insecurity. Instead of spiraling into that endless cycle, they suggest reminding yourself that this particular need is a normal part of a loving relationship, without anything ever for which to feel shame.

We powerfully long for reassurance and at the same time what we would need to get this reassurance presents terrors of all its own. It would mean revealing the extent of our vulnerability and of the scale of their power to hurt us. It would mean having to admit how much of our life is in their hands and how deeply we depend on their good opinion of us for our psychological survival. …We should build relationships where it is natural, and therefore not too frightening, to seek and receive on a regular basis basic reassurance that we are wanted. We should make friends with our own extreme dependence and not see it as a sign of either shame or evil.