The Candy Cane Weapons of The North Pole

C3K with CL203 Cheer Launcher

D&B C3A Accurized Candy Cane

C3MG Light Support Cane

Mark 12 Tenenbaum Launcher with HC Ballistic Christmas Tree

In matters of Christmas security, Santa’s Defense Forces rely on a homegrown candy cane-based weapon system. The heart of the system is the Candy Cane Carbine (C3), a modular candy small arm that can be adapted for a variety of roles, from close-ranged gifting to long-range bah-humbug suppression. And for gravely naughty or armor-plated threats to Christmas and Santa, there is the candy cane of last resort—the Mark 12 Tenenbaum Launcher—which fires a ballistic Christmas tree.

The candy canes and Santa’s Little Secret Service/Santa’s Defense Forces will be deployed at this year’s San Francisco Santacon on December 10. For more of my ballistic art, see the Playing Card Uzi.

photos by EDW Lynch