United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission Denounces Pee Crimes at Bay to Breakers

photo by Medeny

The United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC) bravely faced one of their most dangerous missions last Sunday as they attempted to safeguard the dignity of the participants of Bay to Breakers. In particular, they were vigilant against the scourge of “Pee Crimes,” a deadly affront to honor and dignity.

Doorsteps, alleyways, and parked vehicles have all been subjected to repeated Acts of Peeing in violation of the Vienna Convention on Public Excretion. UNUCC denounces these deplorable acts and once again calls for global solidarity against Pee Crimes.

The United Nations has been vigorously monitoring the Bay to Breakers ever since San Francisco’s UN Plaza was flooded by pee and Miller High Life in 1996. In 2007 a multinational force was dispatched to monitor and inspect the long-running Abnormal Public Event first hand. The observers were shocked by the blatant violations of international conventions on excretion, flabby nudity, flip-flops, and the alarming act known as keg standing-a simulated drowning by light beer which is illegal under UN Resolution 0117 on Dude Brahs.

photo by Jesse