The Candy Cane Weapons of The North Pole

C3K with CL203 Cheer Launcher

D&B C3A Accurized Candy Cane

C3MG Light Support Cane

Mark 12 Tenenbaum Launcher with HC Ballistic Christmas Tree

In matters of Christmas security, Santa’s Defense Forces rely on a homegrown candy cane-based weapon system. The heart of the system is the Candy Cane Carbine (C3), a modular candy small arm that can be adapted for a variety of roles, from close-ranged gifting to long-range bah-humbug suppression. And for gravely naughty or armor-plated threats to Christmas and Santa, there is the candy cane of last resort—the Mark 12 Tenenbaum Launcher—which fires a ballistic Christmas tree.

The candy canes and Santa’s Little Secret Service/Santa’s Defense Forces will be deployed at this year’s San Francisco Santacon on December 10. For more of my ballistic art, see the Playing Card Uzi.

photos by EDW Lynch

E.D.W. Lynch
E.D.W. Lynch

Writer and humor generalist on the Internet and on Facebook.