Report Indicates New Nike Running App Can Determine Exactly Which Psychological Demons People Are Running From

The Onion reports that a new Nike running app is capable of informing people of exactly what they’re running from.

The new app pinpoints the unique existential angst at the core of each runner’s workout routine. Then it motivates with personalized reminders like, “Your career is stalling out” and “Your family hates you.”

Rollin Bishop
Rollin Bishop