The Food Surgeon temporarily moved out of the operating room and into the morgue to solve the mysterious death of a banana. In search of the answer, the surgeon delicately performed a documented autopsy in order to determine what felled the yellow fruit.
Autopsy of a Banana
APR
21
AUTOPSY OF A BANANA
DISSECTIONSSurgeon’s notes:
0:11 – Another John Doe. sigh
0:25 – Cadaver approx 1.5″-2.5″ wide.
0:45 – Cadaver approx 6.5″ long.
0:59 – Multiple shallow stab wounds on the lower finger of the cadaver, north of the remains of the perianth. Our suspect is surely not a tryptophobe ( don’t google this, for your own sake ).
1:16 – Bruising and shallow lacerations visible near cadaver’s stalk. Suspect John Doe was restrained with a thin rope, or twine. Perhaps bondage gone awry?
1:45 – Thoracic impalement via a metal nail, approx 1’5″ long, appears to be the cause of death. Will test nail for fingerprints.
2:35 – Let’s run a tissue analysis and see if we can get a more accurate Time of Death.
3:01 – ToD approx 4-6 hours ago.
3:39 – Homicide.
3:42 – Cadaver is delicious.
